I have amassed a huge amount of hiking route information so much so that my ‘dining room’ table is now an inch deep in maps, timetables and walking books from all over the Alpes-Maritime, or as us locals call it AM.

I returned to the bus office where the woman greeted me with “You here again”.  It now transpires that you can catch two buses for €1 as long as the connection is within 74 minutes. Well that’s what I thought she said.

"This path is nice, it goes through some pretty fields"

I decided to check out Riviera Rugby Club. After giving the captain , who turned out to be English a quick call last week he informed me that they are a relaxed bunch that train at Les Arboras stadium which is a bus ride away.

I hopped on the number 70, and off I went. As I got off the bus, some half an hour later, I could see some floodlights on the other side of the road. On crossing I noticed that they had already started jogging around the pitch.

That looks OK, I thought, then they sprinted half the length of the pitch and then continued jogging. Hmmm, I pondered for a moment. I think I will just wait here a little and watch just how 'relaxed' these guys are. Well thank god I did because before you knew it they were all on their back doing sit-ups and then up doing star jumps.

I had seen enough and was well on my way back to the bus stop by the time they had started the beep test.

Riviera R.C. enjoying some touch rugby

The bus arrived soon enough and I hopped on. I handed over my €1 with pleasure as the 30 minute bus ride back to the centre of Nice, was well worth the price paid.

I was the first one on and at the next stop a single youth got on and walked down the bus and sat at the back.

Hold on, I thought, he didn’t pay the bus driver. He must have a card or something that he flashed and I didn’t see. The next stop three young blokes got on and I watched closely. No payment to the driver, no bus-pass and no swipe card either. The bus driver did nothing.

Over the 30 minute ride I must have counted 15 people, which equated to 50% of the total passengers, who didn’t pay. I was amazed that they had the Gaul, pardon the pun (I wonder if that’s where Gaul comes from?) to just get on and not pay and also that the driver didn’t say anything.

There were all sorts, yes the first lot were cocky lads but then there were old men and women all types of fare-dodgers.

I then realised that the €1 bus fare is actually a token.  This is as close to free public transport as you are going to get and the €1 is just a symbolic gesture by the AM Conseil General.

Of course the bus driver doesn’t care and why should he, they are not here to make money just to get cars off the road.

No crisis here I thought to myself.

But why not make it completely free I thought, what would happen? House prices would go up and it would attract and enormous amount of interest. The first free public transport city in the world.

Woman found with valid French bus ticket deported

 Talking of free….

I wandered down to the Alliance Franciase on Rue de Paris for another lesson with the lovely Madame Florence. It’s coming along, that is if coming along means going backwards.

I am still trying to get a detention but it’s difficult. After all these years when all I had to do to get a detention was turn up  and now I want one I can’t get one, let alone get the cane.

Even a ‘See me’ on my homework would be better than nothing.

I hope I have better luck tomorrow as I have a feeling my dog will be eating my homework tonight.

I did have better luck however on my trip back home. I decided to walk as it was a pleasant night and it wasn’t long before I stumbled across the detritus of a recently refurbished flat, discarded on the side of the boulevard awaiting collection form the nice Nice dustmen.

I was amazed at the items that people are willing to throw away. Amongst other things there was a massive Sony 40 inch TV, admitted it was one of the old kind that are as deep as they are wide and there were also two art deco leather armchairs in perfect condition, and I mean perfect condition as I had a good look under the cushions and another coffee table. 

I shook my head as I headed home and thought, my God, incredible what the Nicoise will discard.

Then I couldn’t believe my luck, just around the corner from my studio-flat was another pile of flotsam and jetsam and lo and behold there was a top of a glass coffee table and it was intact! Under the arm it went and back to chez moi. 

I placed it on the base I already picked up a few nights ago and it works. Ok already, so the base is square and glass top is oval but hey, it’s free.

Something had to be done about Nice Airport's rubbish problem

 As I sat down contented, I swithced on my matchbox of a telly. I then thought about the TV I had seen.  Oh no!, I am going to have to go back and get it. I got up from the sofa, got the keys and made my way back to where I saw it.  It was still there however there were two problems.

1.Does it work? and

2.How the hell am I going to get the colossus of a TV back home?

As regards my first question, I knew it would work by deduction. Whomsoever bought it obviously had some money as these TV’s in their day were the top of the range and not cheap, however they have been long since superseded by the flat screen TV’s. So clearly the owner had had enough of this behemoth and bought a replacement plasma.

Second problem was a little trickier. How to transport it back.

I tried to lift it

“Jesus”

It weighed a lot more than I thought and even resting it on my toes was causing some discomfort. I looked around and in amongst everything I saw a leather office chair.

Without hesitation I grabbed it and heaved this Goliath of a goggle-box onto the seat and started wheeling it up Avenue Jean Medecin which is the main boulevard that runs north and south through Nice. I continued past all the beautiful bistros and elegant street cafes and 10 minutes later I was back home again.

I just managed to get it through the door it was so big. I plugged it in and hit the power button. The screen flickered and then was clear as a bell. Voila! It was one of those Viagra moments. With a big grin I went from 12 inches to 40 inches in the blink of an eye.

Well I sat there sweating and realised I needed something else. The glass topped TV table was definitely not going to be strong enough to hold this leviathan tube.

I needed some wooden struts to protect the glass. 

Mr Telly's diet had not been going well

Off I went back out into the night hunting. I didn’t need my office chair anymore so I sat on it and rode it down my street to the crossroads some 100 meters below, much to the amusement of the passers-by, and dumped it where I had picked up the glass top for the table.  

It wasn’t long before I had found what I was looking for. Back down Avenue Jean Medecin there was a pile of wooden pallets. There were six of them in perfect condition just ready to be picked up by the dustmen. I grabbed one and off I scurried back to the hive.

I passed another lot of rubbish behind a fence en route and was going to just ignore it but…I couldn’t help myself. So with my pallet I went round the back of the fence and had a butchers.

It looked like someone had completely furbished their bathroom. 

There was nothing I really needed for the bathroom except maybe the little silver knob for the top of the toilet flush so there was no real reason to have a look but I was on a roll so I continued.

“I can’t believe it?” I exclaimed

There on the top of the pile of cupboards was a little silver knob for the top of a loo flush!!!!

I picked it up and off I went incredulous at what I had stumbled across.

I arrived home and after some banging and wood splitting the TV was now safely situated on the TV table, the new glass was on the coffee table and the little silver knob was on the loo flush.

What a night, but more to the point what am I going to find tomorrow? 

Le Figaro Headlines 10/10/2012:Super-héros: "Qui est Pallet Boy?"